embracing the good in life

This one is easy for me. The "good" in my life is my son, Avery (he is a year and a half). I try to embrace and cherish the time I have with him as much as I can, though I wish I had more time to spend with him. It is amazing to watch him learn and grow, and he almost does something every single day that surprises me. Last week, he learned how to turn a doorknob to open a door. He is also building his vocabulary, new words of recent include "ball" and "eat." When it was still warm outside, we told him we were going swimming, and he said "bath," like he knew the swimming pool would be like a bathtub. Today, he actually called me from the house phone (we have speed-dial, but still). I can't get enough. I wish I had the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom, but I have to work and finish school, and then move on with my career. When I come home late at night, sometimes Avery is still awake and I get to play with him or read him a bedtime story. We all hang out around the house and play outside on the weekends, when work or homework doesn't interfere. But time with him is precious, and so I try to cherish it as much as I can while still keeping my head on straight about school and the other responsibilities that I have to devote time to.

the Epicurean "dot coms"

One of the major themes of my research paper will be how today's American capitalist society has construed the original Epicurean meaning of "pleasure" to include lavish meals and wine. The major dot coms - Epicurius.com and Epicurean.com, focus on gourmet meals and wines, which they claim are simple to prepare but draw upon elegant and rare ingredients in their recipes. This is in major contrast to what Epicurus meant by "pleasure as the absence of pain." One of my sources lays it all out quite clearly: The Hedonism of Epicurus:
An Ancient Philosophy of Ethics, Pleasure, and Pain
© Lisa Keele Read more: http://philosophy.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_hedonism_of_epicurus#ixzz0TvZs8y8G

In her section about food, Lisa Keele restates that Epicurean philosophy focuses on the concept of pleasure as absence of pain. She goes on to use the example of hunger as a physical pain. Given that, any food of choice will end the physical pain once you've eaten it. However, she uses the examples of chocolate cake and oatmeal to make her point. Many sweet lovers would choose the chocolate cake to alleviate their hunger, but this goes beyond the mere "absence of pain" that Epicurus was referring to. The oatmeal, on the other hand, also accomplishes this goal while being more healthful for the body, cheap to afford, easy to prepare, and able to alleviate hunger for a longer period of time--which makes this the more "Epicurean" choice. The chocolate cake would be more expensive, harder to obtain and prepare, and would cause or add to health problems through obesity and tooth decay (adding more pain), while only removing the pain of hunger for a short time.

Taking another perspective, I see how it could be argued a different way. Epicurious.com tries to offer selections that are easy to prepare with ingredients that some may already have on-hand. Stressing about "what's for dinner" and trying to prepare a healthy family meal with everyone's busy, conflicting schedules can definitely be a "pain" that many parents face today. Many of the meals are classified as "simple breakfasts," "healthy lunches," and "fast dinners," which I'm sure alleviates the stress on many moms (and dads) who have trouble deciding how to feed their families, thus bringing pleasure when their spouses and wives sit down to a nice, yet easily prepared meal. But I'm not so sure that Epicurus would agree with that...

my piece of Worldly Wisdom

If I could offer one piece of advice or tidbit of "worldly wisdom," it would be to live every day to the fullest and not worry about the past or the future, but appreciate what you have right in front of you. Go outside once in a while and enjoy the outdoors, just appreciate how beautiful the planet is and how lucky we are to have been born into this country and under this set of circumstances. Compared to many people around the world, we are lucky to have been born in the United States.

Lately I have found myself so worried about grad school and where I might be going next that I sometimes forget to just appreciate how far I've already come and what I have to be thankful for. When I was reading further into Epicurean philosophy, what Epicurus really meant by seeking out pleasure was just being able to afford the basics: food, water, shelter. I am lucky enough to have all of those. I have a job (which is lucky considering the current economic conditions), I have a house, and I even have the love of my family. Those necessities should be enough to alleviate most of the mental and emotional pain and suffering that I might encounter. I took a moment to realize that if I stopped at this point in life and went no further with my education, I would be happy, because I already have the necessities that many people do not. Seeking excess and constantly looking towards the future (or behind at the past) can only create tension and anxiety. Instead, we should take the time to appreciate what we already have and consider ourselves blessed for having it.

a lesson from The Prince

I was able to identify with one of the general themes that Machiavelli harps on: that you have to acknowledge the gap between the way people ideally should behave and the way they actually do behave, before deciding how to act or respond towards them. When he discusses generosity, this hit close to home for me. Ideally, one would think that everyone should strive to be generous--but this is not so! It is in fact true that if you attempt to be overly generous, people will take advantage of your giving spirit and soon you will have nothing left for yourself.

Growing up, I had some very "needy" friends, always borrowing but never paying back, and I was generous enough to loan. Eventually those friendships soured, but not before I was left hanging with a dwindling bank account. It was a hard lesson to learn (especially because it involved money), but an important one. And I understand that being generous ("giving") is different from "borrowing," but I think the same principle applies. Unless you have the resources to be generous with other people's money, it really is not worth it in the long run to [monetarily] seriously help someone out, especially people who are not trustworthy or even show the slightest hint of being ungrateful.

childhood memory regarding success

I guess the memories I have about being successful revolve mostly around my father. He was always telling me and my younger brother that if we wanted to get into a good college, we had to study hard and make good grades during elementary, middle, and high school. Every time we came home with a bad report card, we got the old "college talk" (along with being grounded or chores, depending on how bad the report actually was). He really drilled it into our heads that going to school was crucial to doing well in life.

I guess I didn't pay him enough attention, because I didn't realize until my senior year in high school how important getting good grades and being involved actually was. My dad hadn't said anything about class ranking or how extracurricular activities fit into college acceptance, and he divorced my mom before graduation. However, he still used methods to encourage us to do well. For example, I couldn't drive my sweet red convertible unless I made good grades. (By the way, the car was a one-up on my mom after the divorce, and I only got to drive it for about 3 months before I smashed it up!) But by and by, I fell behind in class. I think it was ultimately the car that got me into so much trouble. After all, I wouldn't have been able to skip class if I had to ride the bus. I ended up dropping out of high school and going back to finish later on.

Back to the point though. The idea of success was implanted by my father (I'm sure my mother agreed with him, but I associate the lectures about college with my father) at a young age. I wish that things had turned out differently on those fronts (time-wise), but ultimately I am here at a decent school and about to graduate with a degree, after all. So in the end, his lectures must have had an effect on me.

more paper topic ideas...

At first the idea of a "successful life" brings to mind doctors and teachers, maybe because what I think of this involves helping people and giving to others. When I was little I wanted to be a veterinarian because I absolutely loved animals, so naturally I wanted to help them. But now I realize that no matter what your occupation, you can help people in different ways. (And animals!) So I don't think that idea for a paper topic comes to any fruition for me.

Some other things include what we've talked about in class. Maybe about the way Socrates thought about handicapped people, that once the body is incapacitated to a certain point, there is no reason to go on living. But that can be attributed to lower standards of healthcare (and I'm sure hygiene) during that time period.

Lastly, the modern-day concept of "Epicureanism" compared to what Epicurus really meant; in other words, the yuppie markets and day spas that capitalize on the name, but preach self-indulgence instead of seeking out pleasure in everyday life. But I feel like that one is an easy giveaway.

I'm going to search around on some sites and see if I can come up with something a little better...

Epictetus: Inner Excellence Matters More Than Outer Appearance

This chapter from The Art of Living hits closest to home for me. I am female, and having a child even furthers my self-consciousness about the way I look. Since my baby was born over a year ago, I have struggled to lose the extra pounds I gained when I was pregnant. It has been a real challenge for me, and one that I face everyday. Deciding what to eat and what not to eat, especially during my hectic schedule, can be difficult. And going straight from work to school in the evenings with only Wendy's and Taco Bell in between does not help matters. But I am making excuses for myself. I go in and out of phases where I will go to the gym everyday, but then hit a roadblock that makes me feel lazy and like I don't want to exercise. All of this adds stress to my life and it is even worse when I can't find clothes in my closet that fit (that's the start of a bad day!) But the main point is, I shouldn't be so worried about what people think of my physical appearance, because it's what is on the inside that really counts. And what Epictetus says about women is absolutely true--from the time I was in my early teens to before I was noticeably pregnant, I would receive compliments from the other sex regularly. Now, not so much. But I need to recenter and concentrate on what's important in my life right now, and that is graduating with my Bachelor's Degree and getting into a good law school. No matter what I look like, I will succeed in life. I just have to try to push aside any negative thoughts that might push themselves to the surface regarding my appearance.

favorite place

I know this sounds cheesy, but my favorite place is my home. Yes, my house, with my fiance, Jason, and my one-year-old son, Avery. Spending time with them is the most important thing in my life right now, as I am away almost all day during school and then have to go to work straight after. Many people will probably tell you that their favorite place is the beach or somewhere tropical, but mine is close to my heart. We live in a small house in Hampstead, on a road that ends at the sound. When we moved in, Jason and I decorated the house, hung pictures, and setup Avery's room. We have a large, two-car garage with a television and sofa, and an old-fashioned front porch with a swing and rocking chairs, and a variety of plant life surrounding the house. We used to live in Wilmington, and this isn't our first place together, but it is by far the most peaceful. I can find more comfort here than anywhere else I can think of right now.

The laughter and playfulness that Avery brings is purely magical. Whenever I am near him, joy abounds in my heart and soul. Every day he learns something new and amazing and if I could, I would spend all day with him. Just being in the same house for a few hours a day brightens my spirits and my mood. I am sad when I come home from a long day of school and work to find that he is already tucked away in his toddler bed (which I put together, by the way :)

Just coming home, driving up our driveway and walking inside, seeing our kitchen, smelling food cooking, and hearing the record player (that Jason will no doubt already have going), sends me into a relaxed and peaceful mood. It comforts me to realize that we have both put effort into making our house the place that we want to spend most of our time.

research paper concepts

I've realized that thinking of an awesome paper idea is going to be very challenging, especially with the subject matter of this class. Just going over the ideas that Dr. Ashe gave us, such as success and what our opinion of success is based on, influences on our lives, the definition of a virtuous concept, and doing/not doing something, I am having a hard time of thinking of something original. I think that I lead a comparable life to those of my peers.

I think all of us have an idea of "success" similar to one that includes graduating from college with greater opportunities than what we have encountered before. Although I'm sure many of our ideals include emotional stability on a happiness level, they probably all include a comfortable level of wealth. I'm sure many of us can sympathize with living paycheck-to-paycheck, or being supported by our parents, at least during one time or another in our lives. What I am getting to is the Protestant belief that success is associated with the accumulation of material wealth. This can be seen everyday in America, especially in a time of economic recession when bankruptcy and credit card debt reveal our infatuation with instant gratification. Even I look towards my father as a successful role model, but this is not only based on his happiness and personality, but also on the ground that he is financially successful. I think many people could associate being able to budget and manage money, even if it is very little, with an idea of success.

As far as influences and lessons in our lives, I think almost everyone has learned from their parents, teachers, peers, and the media. Not always in the same mix, but each has probably played an important role in everyone's lives. And the delicate balance can affect the person you become; less parents and more media are more likely to create a non-social personality; less teachers and more peers have a probability of leading to bad influences such as alcohol and drugs; and a positive balance of teachers and parents will probably have a greater effect on overall success. These are just vague generalizations, maybe even stereotypical, but everyone in America can probably associate with a few of these influences. Unless they didn't attend school or have a television in their homes, subject matter wouldn't flow as freely to them for a paper topic.

I am also of the opinion that the ideas about something you didn't do would tie into your "biggest regret" which could of course be expanded upon, but that and the definition of a "virtuous concept" are cliche paper topics that have already been done, time and again. I want to think of something more original and creative. Although, I could talk about the Western ideals versus the Eastern ideals: associating wealth with success as compared to love or kinship. I think I am getting closer...

my biggest regret

Let me just forewarn you, this story is personal and very sad. Yet enough time has passed that I can feel comfortable in telling it, even in the somewhat unlikely hope that maybe it will prevent someone else from making the same mistake. My biggest regret befell upon my late teenage years, those times when you are carefree but at the same time think you know everything. I had just moved out of my mother's house and in with my boyfriend, began to support myself and started to learn valuable life lessons. What I learned will follow with me for the rest of my days.

When I was little, we lived in Kansas with my grandparents close by. They basically raised us, my brother and I. When my parents were at work we stayed with them, and on the weekends and holidays, and when my parents went on vacation. When we moved to North Carolina when I was six years old, my brother and I would spend the entire summer back home with my grandma and grandpa. Over the years, though, my grandparents grew old (like many do) and gradually I began to grow away from them. My grandpa passed when I was 15 and my grandma was lonely without him. When I was younger, I talked to my grandma on the phone at least once a week, but those phone calls slowly tapered off once I moved into my own place and started worrying about work, school, and paying bills. Near the end of her life, I hardly ever talked to my grandma.

I was working my first professional [office] job when I was 19, when my dad called me to let me know my grandma was sick. He was flying back home to help take care of her. Things slowly moved in a downward direction from there. The next week, my grandma was in the hospital and things did not look good. But, my dad said that he was going to try and bring grandma back to Charlotte to live with him, and he would take care of her. This gave me hope, although I subconsciously knew, deep down inside, that a happy ending was, most likely, out of reach. (This ties into the premonition I had about my grandpa dying the night before he passed--but that is a different story in itself, and my parents, of course, don't believe me).

My dad called about a week later to say that grandma wasn't doing so well, and offered to buy me a plane ticket to fly to Wichita. At the time I was so engulfed in school and my new full-time office job that I didn't want to take the time away. I talked to my grandma over the phone, I remember, in the middle of my World Civ. class, and she sounded like a child. I knew that her time was drawing closer. A few days later, my dad called again. I was at a friend's house drinking beer and had to excuse myself. My dad said that my grandma went to sleep and probably wouldn't wake up. I got a speeding ticket on my way home that night, I was so sad and distressed that all I could do was sob to the officer and not make any sense doing it. He said to me, "Ma'am, I really don't understand why you are so upset." I probably shouldn't have been driving.

My grandma was gone and I hadn't been there. I had gotten the chance to go to her, but I kept telling myself that I didn't want to see my grandma die. That's not how I wanted to remember her, lying in a hospital bed. And my dad was there, so she had her son by her side. Besides, I didn't want to take the time off work, and missing a week of school meant falling behind in classes. But I realize now that the most important thing, no matter what, is being there for someone in a time of need. It supercedes everything material that is going on in your life, and now I understand how comparatively small my life events were. I should have been there to see my grandma into Heaven.

Stoics & Epicureans: first impressions

Based solely on the readings I have done for this class, my first impression of "Stoics" and "Epicureans" would be related to nobility, virtue, happiness, and being able to find inner strength in regard to ambition, peace, wisdom, and awareness, while at the same time keeping a degree of modesty (like Socrates at trial). The image that comes to mind upon hearing these words is of Ancient Greece, and men with white hair dressed in white robes, standing in front of the Parthenon. These Stoics have achieved success in life, not by accumulating the most valuable material possessions, but by attaining the highest degree of spiritual, emotional, and intellectual awareness that places them on a platform above those with lesser values. Regardless of their status in society, this class never wavers from their convictions even while facing the possibility of death. That means standing behind what you believe, even when your beliefs are questioned and the consequences severe.

my personality type: ENFJ

The description of this personality type begins with calling it the "Teacher." Although I've never thought of that as my ideal career path, I can identify with the traits brought forward by this assumption. Sometimes when sitting in class, I find myself pondering other ways in which subject matter can be taught or discussed, perhaps more efficient ways than the teacher is demonstrating in front of me. I think I could be successful if I chose to become a teacher; I have a knack for being able to explain or put-into-words strange and abstract concepts that can be hard for others to explain. Just as my own personal opinion though, the benefits of teaching do not outweigh the downfalls, unfortunately (think of misbehaving adolescents, low salary, work without limits in order to create successful students). I do believe that providing education to our children is of the utmost importance, and may be something that I come back to some later day when my professional aspirations have been exhausted, but not now. Enough about teaching.

The description goes on to talk about how outgoing my personality type is, how I like to talk to people (everybody for that matter), and not afraid to speak out or make new friends. I think this is absolutely true, aside from the fact that everyone feels a little awkward in strange situations, it is easy for me to open up and talk to people I've never met before. A few beers can always help, too.

Regarding organization, scheduling, and commitments, I am on top of this! Currently I am juggling a full course schedule at UNCW, working part-time (had to cut my hours, actually) and raising a one-year-old. All of which take an amazing toll on the mind and body after a while. But I try to stay on top of homework and my fiance and I work together at home to take care of our son. I do wish I had more free time, but who doesn't? When I am finished with my Bachelor's Degree from UNCW, I will be relieved and hopefully be able to rest for a while before thinking about law school. Then it will all start over again!